Marriage sabbatical
What is a marriage sabbatical?
Photo by Cinematic Imagery on Unsplash
“What do you mean? A marriage sabbatical - what is that? Do you mean you want a divorce?”
The questions came thick and fast in a panicked stream of consciousness. Before I could answer, my husband had started to get mad, “Oh great! Just what I need. Is this a midlife crisis?”
When he finally let me speak, I calmly told him what I meant by a marriage sabbatical.
“Look, we are both independent people, and there aren’t any issues with the marriage. I think it is healthy for us at this stage in our relationship to think about the future, and our needs both in and out of the relationship. Think for ourselves and what we want as individuals. You could call it time out to work on ourselves.”
“Aren’t we a little old to ‘work on ourselves,” was his ungracious response.
A report called The Modern Marriage Report, commissioned by Rayden Solicitors found that 1 in 4 of us would consider a marriage sabbatical. As well as this, 1 in 2 of the 1000 surveyed are open to either sleeping apart or are already doing so for better rest and well-being. (As we know, sleep impacts absolutely everything - our energy, mood, pain, etc)
I’m curious about what a marriage sabbatical might mean for different couples. My guess is that individuals would want different things from taking a sabbatical and clear boundaries would have to be discussed. For instance, both individuals would have to agree on the sabbatical, the reason for taking one and how long would it last.
To be clear, this isn’t the same as a separation or divorce but is more about defining personal life goals and reflecting on what we want out of life. This can sometimes feel difficult to do when we are in a relationship as we tie up so much of our identity and goals in being a partnership. Sometimes, we can lose our identity in marriage and it feels difficult to remember who we are as individuals.
We might also feel that we have become stuck in a rut, with each day feeling like groundhog day. Having a sabbatical can be a way of shaking things up a little, getting out of the rut and re-entering the relationship feeling renewed.
I’m curious. What are your thoughts on a marriage sabbatical? Would you take one, what would you do and what would you hope to gain from taking a sabbatical?
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